The buffoon is a product of the woolly jumpers in the 1980s on 'TV:am.' It was a costume and I loved earning money before breakfast, but 9 A. M. came and I then took off the woolly jumpers.
I said to my wife, Michele, 'What would you like for Christmas? Anything you want, darling, anything in our means.' She said she would like me to be the weight I was when we married. So I will not gorge myself.
Indeed, the Duke of Edinburgh's disdain for his eldest son was all the more shocking because he made little or no attempt to hide it.
I told Prince Philip that, having met them both, I was struck, not by the differences between him and Charles, but by their similarities.
Princess Anne is like her father. From her, you'll never hear a complaint of any kind about her upbringing.
When you are standing in a corner at the party, when you've arrived early for the meeting, when the doors have closed but the lift won't start, there's nothing worse than being lost for words.
Whatever you wanted in entertainment, Des O'Connor could provide, so he was in a way the last of his kind.
What's interesting is I don't think you will find anyone to say anything against Des O'Connor, he was the nicest of people and the ultimate professional and he made it look effortlessly easy.
If you are getting married it's about the person you are marrying, it's about the relationship. For me it's not about the party.
We did marry in secret and it was several years before we even told our parents that we were married.
I wanted to have a house near his grave, and that's exactly what I did get. When I woke up in the morning, I would open my window and look out upon Holy Trinity Church, where Shakespeare's grave is. Not once did it fail to move me.
In fact, when I shake hands with all those wonderful people at the Stratford Literary Festival, they will be shaking hands with the hand that shook the hand of Oscar Wilde.
Now I'm just loving the world of Oscar Wilde and Arthur Conan Doyle so much. I really wouldn't want to go back into the world of Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling - where would the fun and adventure be in that?
Not only did I cross-dress at 10, playing Rosalind in 'As You Like It,' I also found myself in a cross-dressed part at 60, when I played Lady Bracknell in 'The Importance of Being Earnest.'
When I was a boy, I began writing a biography of Shakespeare, and since then I've written a number of biographies of actors and famous people.
I was in the debating society at school, I was the president of the Oxford Union, and then I became an MP in the Nineties.
I learnt German as well as English, so by the time I was three my parents has already decided I was a gifted child.
Quite out of proportion to the size of the country, British children's writers swept the world in the 20th century. We should celebrate them.
Greyfriars School is like Hogwarts School in the Harry Potter stories and the whole world of magic is the world of J.M.Barrie.
Once, during one of the jubilee tours, I was in the car immediately behind theirs and I watched Prince Philip telling the Queen a story. He kept her laughing for 20 minutes.
When I was an MP, I worked at the department where we gave honors to people from the arts world, I was quite keen.
We loved the line 'I'm a luxury... few can afford.' It still makes me smile. It's a jumper for people with a sense of style and a sense of humor.
I'm grateful for laughter of any kind, but it can be off-putting if one person is laughing at a different time or in a different way from the rest of the audience.
With a rowdy audience, the trick is not to go louder and try to beat them into submission. It's to go quieter. As they get loud, you get soft. Then they lean in towards you to listen.
If you are conscious of the journey you are taking, wherever you are it will help you know where you are going next.
If you're the Queen you don't need to say anything and you don't get into trouble. If you're the Duke of Edinburgh you say a lot of things, sometimes too many, and you do get into trouble.
Prince Philip's principal role since 1952 has been to support the Queen. Alongside that, he has created his own working life as founder, fellow, patron, president, chairman, or member of at least 837 organizations - as well as a Colonel or Colonel-in-Chief, Field Marshal, Admiral, Air Commodore 42 times over.