Billy Crystal
My mum, Helen, was hilarious. She had a tremendous sense of humour and was a great singer and tap dancer. For many years, she was the voice of Minnie Mouse in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. She would be in the float as it came along, singing whatever the Minnie Mouse song of the day was. She was a really big spirit in my life.Collection: Thanksgiving
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.Collection: Women
The truth is, in this age of Instagram and Facebook and Snapchat, we know way too much about athletes - and it's their fault.Collection: Age
Mom was so funny and loving to us kids. She was our first audience. When my dad died, I was suddenly alone in the house with her because my two older brothers were away at college. I was the man of the house, and she was the grieving woman.Collection: Alone
I still don't love the darkness, though I've learned to smile in it a little bit, now and then.Collection: Smile
Since I got into the movies, 'Running Scared,' that did $40 million. 'Princess Bride,' I got good reviews for the character Miracle Max. 'Memories of Me' didn't do well. 'Throw Mama from the Train' did $70 million. 'Harry and Sally' did 95 or 96. 'City Slickers' did $120 million.Collection: Movies
My parents always looked like they loved being together. That's what I took from them, and that's how my wife and I are. I still feel like we're dating.Collection: Dating
My older brother Joel became an art teacher; my brother Rip ultimately became a television producer and singer and actor himself.Collection: Teacher
Humans love sex, we need sex, it's how we connect, it reminds us we're alive, it's the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.Collection: Food
I never missed a birthday. I never missed a school play. We carpooled. And the greatest compliment I can ever get is not about my career or performance or anything; it's when people say, 'You know, your girls are great.' That's the real thing for me.Collection: Birthday
Change is such hard work.Collection: Change
What life throws at you - you just have to learn how to hit it, which is a baseball metaphor. The ball's outside, you hit to the right. You don't let them go by.
I never stopped believing in us, and I never felt like I was wanting for anything, except for my father, and that was not going to be.
I never felt I had my 15, 16, 17 kind of years the way I maybe should have. It's a huge dent in you that it's hard to knock out and make it all smooth again.
I'd stand on a coffee table, and my cousin Edith would give me dimes, and you put the dimes on your head... And when your forehead was full, show was over.
I think I've far exceeded what I ever thought I could possibly do.
I'm almost shocked that I'm still around after all of these years... and always grateful that I get another turn to do something.
I was always looking for something else to do most of the time, until I got into the acting program. Then, I really found myself.
I really could've been a good student, but I was always hearing an imaginary audience.
That's still the greatest high, that feeling of being in control of 2,000 people. It's me and them, and I like the odds. It's not even so much the funny. It's getting them quiet. In the quiet moments in '700 Sundays,' I just really love that they're getting moved.
I have to admit, I was a little bit of a misfit.
Our professor was Marty Scorsese. Marty was a graduate student, or Mr. Scorsese, which is what I had to call him, and still do when I see him 'cause he gave me a C.
As a comedian, you have everything working against you.
That whole concept of 'I want to really go after people' - I don't understand that. Is it a roast, or is it an awards show?
Rehearsals are for gags.
I went to my first game May 30, 1956, and Mantle was in the beginnings of his Triple Crown season. And he was drop-dead handsome.
To this day, with all of these muscle-bound guys, nobody hit the ball further than Mickey Mantle, with his natural strength.
My dad died when I was 15 and worked way too much.
I was raised mostly by my mom.
When I was about 21 and just about to get out of college at NYU, Vietnam was raging, and I was a frustrated musician for a little bit.
The Academy and the Oscars have been very gracious to me.
I've worn down America.
I pride myself in being able to survive just about any situation on stage now. I can handle pressure.
Of course my uncle was a giant, but my dad, in particular, had the house filled with these great Dixieland jazz stars, really the best of them: Henry Red Allen, Willie 'The Lion' Smith, Buster Bailey, Cutty Cutshall, Tyree Glenn, Zutty Singleton. These are all big names in the Dixieland world.
I've said, I never thought I rebelled. I never - I don't think I've ever had that period. You know, I just had to do what I had to do. You know, I was a good kid.
I don't know what I would have done to rebel. I don't know what I was rebelling against.
I don't like to watch my work after I do it because it just - I'll always look at the wrong things.
Time scares me: having enough time to do all the things that I want to do in life, just even in terms of forgetting about the business I'm in.
There are all these things I want to accomplish. We never know how long we're going to get.
There used to be that you only had four or five critics that you would look to for intelligent conversation, but now there are millions of people who can just press 'send,' and everyone's got an opinion even if no one cares what they say. It makes things a little bit tougher.
People are always telling you you're done. Someone's always telling you that, especially now in the day of social media.
I watch old 'Truth or Consequences' on Hulu. 'Concentration.' And 'The Match Game' with Gene Rayburn.
As far as the media goes, I'm driving in the left lane at 28 miles an hour.
Mr. Hitchcock knew what he was doing.
It's like being a gym rat, but you're a theater rat, and then that becomes your fraternity house. That becomes your extended family.
I don't go to any of the big Academy parties while the show is on because, invariably, it turns to people watching me watch the host, and it's not comfortable. I watch at home and hope the show gets to be really good.
Performing was how I was able to release this pain I had.
All that time, you go, 'God, am I slipping away here?' And then something great happens, you get a call, and work begets more work.
You don't want to wait for that aged jockey role.
We're in this together. We are Americans. We all have to do the best we can. And we will because that's who we are.