Ralphie May
As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.Collection: Relationship
If people get their feelings hurt from jokes, then they are too delicate to be in society.Collection: Society
I've got one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel.
We are all fingers on the same hand. We may not look alike, but we are all needed.
There's certain stock lines that, you know, like heckler lines, you know, like, where did you learn to whisper, a helicopter, you know? Nobody owns those. I mean, someone first wrote it but it's been so universally used that it's common and it's called stock.
There's no getting around it - I am a politically incorrect, racially insensitive, culturally controversial comic, but at least I'm self-aware.
There's a big difference between being racist and racially insensitive.
Most comics give you what you want. I give you what you need.
I've been shortchanged and overlooked my whole life. And if you boo-hoo about everything, that's all you're going to do your whole life.
So many comics, skinny and fat, make fat jokes.
I live in a dangerous part of Los Angeles. It's called... Los Angeles.
I'm blue collar, which means white trash with a job. But it also means people who take pride in what they do.
I'm dirty, I'm irreverent - but I'm still a very topical comedian.
My name is Ralphie. How many Ralphie's do you know? It's unique.
Most comics can't produce the amount of material I produce.
I do like two hours of new material every year.
My wife is my teammate. She's my best friend. I love her.
My audience has accepted me for a long time as, you know, not a fat comedian but a comedian who happens to be fat. That's a huge difference.
I'd like to be a U.S. senator from Tennessee.
I'm not crooked, and I want to help people.
I'm too blunt, too matter-of-fact and not PC enough.
I'm too Southern.
I got kids now... It gives you an empathetic feeling into other cultures and stuff.
I don't need the fame or power.
I'm honest, at the end of the day - I'm obese, but I'm not obtuse.
I'm not your usual cup of tea.
I think it's funny when stereotypes happen.
Michigan... it's a great state... somewhere.
I've got a lot of charisma, plus women are forgiving and they can be charmed.
Vegas needs a really funny, dirty, late-night show, and I'll tell it like it is, I promise you that. And you gotta love the audience I bring in.
The day you don't mess with somebody, that would be exclusive rather than inclusive. I strive to be inclusive.
If we were all sitting around as different races and as different religions, if you were a real friend of these people, you would bust on them all.
My children are terrific babies.
I'm a crazy fat guy. And a strange one.
I'm even handed. I just point out the stupidity we all do.
The people I make fun of most are white people. They're the dumbest ones. They really are.
I want more stand-up comics in prime time. It's great for every comedian.
I work hard, and I make people laugh. What's wrong with that?
I think there's too much emphasis on making sure our corporations are OK versus making sure our people are OK.
I think we can do better with our politicians. I think I'd make a good one, because I like people.
I don't just live in a bubble in Los Angeles. I'm on the road all the time. I say hello to people everywhere. That way, you get to see what despair is around the holidays. People are making terrible choices: Do I have heat in the winter or food on the table? Decisions between filling the gas tank or buying a gift for a kid.
I mean, comics fear sue - you know, lawsuits and stuff like that, just because they don't like to do paperwork.
You talk to - I had a good fortune of getting to spend a lot of time with Uncle Miltie and guys like Buddy Hackett before they passed away.
I don't go to comedy clubs unless I'm working. And when I do work, I come in, I do my time and I leave. I don't hang out.
When somebody's different, it's so easy to dismiss what people say because of what they look like. They really want to judge the book by its cover.
The perception of fat people in America is that they're fat, therefore they're dumb, they're lazy, and they must stink.
I'm a fan of old vaudeville theaters.
I love what I do. I do what I love. I'm honest about it!
Atlanta is interesting. You have high education rates but there are plenty of regular folks. People have degrees but chop wood on weekends.
I'm too far to the left for some, too far to the right for others. I'm my own brand of comedy.