Aye aye, I'm not one of these people that hate Christmas. Some people think it's all fake, but I like that kind of thing. It's like Las Vegas. I know this isnae really the Eiffel Tower and that isnae really the Statue of Liberty, but it's just a bit of fun.Collection: Christmas
Why do I want to annoy people? Because annoying people is funny.Collection: Funny
No, I don't think I'll ever get any stalkers, as I'm the stalker type myself.
The only thing I worry about over-sharing is boring people.
There are so many different ways of making people laugh and sometimes you sit down to watch something that everyone says is hilarious and within a couple of minutes you realise its comedy that isn't for you.
One thing I like to do is visit technical forums and ask for help regarding an entirely fictitious problem I'm having with my software. When I receive help, I say, 'Nope. Didn't work.' If they guide me to a button to click, I say, 'Nope. Can't see it.' Sometimes I just reply with nothing but 'Nope,' and it drives them up the wall.
I love 'The Twilight Zone,' the original black and white ones with Rod Serling's wee bit at the beginning.
I was reading some Raymond Carver. I really liked how he did that 'slice of life' thing. Because I'm not much of a reader I end up finding out about these things a long time after other people.
I like wee arguments, I've never been into jokes. I'm more into strange things and madness and things escalating and things not really making sense.
My maw died when I was 20. You tune into the radio or the telly and life goes on. Things keep on happening. The world doesnae stop.
I think on my passport form I described myself as 'entertainer,' filling it in, in a Post Office or something. I felt like I should be doing jazz hands when I wrote that, but I don't do anything else really.
Daft Wee Stories' is, as the title says, daft wee stories. I just sort of rattled them out, tried to make them quite funny, with punchlines - they're kind of like sketches.
I don't really get angry any more.
My son likes Doctor Seuss books, but they're right tongue twisters. You get to certain bits and you stumble your words and it makes you feel like an idiot.
Going to a pub when you're not drinking is pretty boring.
I do like crossing moral boundaries.
I'm genuine! I've not got some dark, shadowy corporation behind me pulling the strings.
There's nothing quite like sitting watching the telly on a Saturday night. It has such a nice, homely feel.
I never made my website to try and get anywhere, it was just a laugh.
People are so quick to get offended.
I don't want Scotland to be more important than England. There's just a cancer of low self-esteem in Scotland and a general feeling that if we were to break away it would be game over and we would be bankrupt. If that is the case then that's exactly what we should do. Why are we, a country that would be bankrupt, leaching off another one?
With the Internet I just love how anything goes, especially in the light of this whole Sachsgate.
I think I was an alcoholic. There are all these grey areas about what makes you an alcoholic - you can't cope without it, you stop caring about jobs and relationships, or you just binge.
It's in me to get steaming and to think too much, worry too much about the future, the past.
I think I was maybe a ned. I don't know. I had a trakkie, a cap and got into trouble when I was younger and I don't remember other neds round about me, so I suppose I must have been one. But a thinking ned, an intelligent ned.
A guy playing pool in a pub once said to me that they should put me on the telly. It went in one ear and out the other. But then I started thinking about it. I wondered how it all worked, did you have to be best mates with someone at the BBC who you went to uni with in Oxford?
I tell people on Facebook what my Playstation user name is. It's quite a social thing. I put the headset on and I'm just yappin' away. It's kind of like a sad way of socialising. It's like meeting up with people but when you get bored with them you can just switch them off and walk away.
I write in quite a simple way because that's just the way I write. The vocab I use is quite wee. That's just the way I talk.
I don't really read a lot. I got a few Booker Prize books and some others and thought I'd try this but quite quickly I just stick them down. I do like some Stephen King books but with some of them I just put them down as well. But I'm like that with telly stuff as well and films or music.
I'm quite a hermit.
I don't drink anymore, I don't go up the town and I'm not interested in events and parties.
When streaming came out years ago I loved it. I loved having an audience, I loved chatting away and looking at a live chat and now on Twitch you can actually get a career at it.
If the Internet went down or there was no telly I would be 'oh no, oh no.'
I actually don't have a lot of faith in comedy.
I felt I was a bit switched off for years, not really caring about things. I don't know if that's depression or whatever, but I was thinking 'I might. Aye I will. No, I willnae' as far as getting a second series goes.
I think no matter where you're from, you're going to be laughing about stuff going on around you.
Sometimes there were certain things in 'Limmy's Show' where I'd be having to come up with six episodes and as a result there was stuff in there that wasn't my favourite and I'd think, 'ach I'll shove that in this episode.'
You hear people talking about a Scottish sense of humour, or a Glaswegian sense of humour, all sorts of countries and cities think that they've got this thing that they're funny. I read about the Liverpudlian sense of humour and I was like, 'Aye? What's that then?' You get that and you especially hear about a dark Glaswegian sense of humour.
I've never cooked a great meal.
The day I say I'm famous is the day I sound like a fanny.
I think most people like a bit of freedom and hearing things that they might not agree with, rather than just having everybody shutting their mouths.
I'm not a mad genius or anything, but I'm just constantly driven to make things up, but I wonder who I'm doing all this for?
People who give off about fat-shaming and body-shaming are often the same people who talk about Trump's hair or how fat he is, or how old he is. The size of his hands and his fingers - that's the big one: let's all have a big laugh at his hands.
The word 'cult' is almost a nice way of saying a lot of people hate you, or have never heard of you. It means someone can come up to me in the street who's really into my stuff, who's seen everything I've done, but the guy standing beside them has no idea who I am. Even in Glasgow. I think that's cult.
Being in somebody else's thing and saying their words and not having any right to change it - I don't know how I'd deal with that. I'd like to think I could do it, but I just know I've got a dead particular taste.
When I was wee, in the middle of the summer, the big field behind the shops would be filled with dry grass and I'd get a box of matches. You chuck one match on that and the whole thing goes up in flames. Twitter's a bit like that. You can just say one thing and it explodes from there.
If you run about trying to make people like you all the time you'd never get anything done.
There have been occasions when some people have taken me very seriously.
I don't mind people liking or not liking me. If you make something and then in the back of your mind you think it could have been a bit better, that can hurt a bit.
It's fine if folk don't like my sense of humour. But if somebody misunderstands, then that hurts a bit.