Johnny Vegas
It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.Collection: Funny
You get people who come to London, sever links with where they come from, and then when they need people, there's nobody there. To feel like you can't go back home would be a horribly sad place to be, as is mistaking fame for genuine love and affection.Collection: Sad
Oh, I'm terrible at travel.Collection: Travel
I do need to explore my faith, because it has got lost over the years and it has been kind of tainted through experience. But I also know it's enriched my life, my dad being a Catholic.Collection: Dad
I think if you're at the point where you're popular enough to sell your wedding photos to OK! Magazine then you don't need the money.Collection: Wedding
I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.Collection: Birthday
The cheese board is my big treat at Christmas that I have to deny myself during the rest of year.Collection: Christmas
I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.Collection: Birthday
From a certain age, I sort of accepted myself for what I was. And although to other people it was like nothing ever goes right, I had a really nice attitude that I'd inherited from my parents, and especially from my dad.Collection: Attitude
Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine.
My first holiday to San Francisco in 1998-99 was supposed to be a two-week vacation but I ended up staying five weeks and nearly didn't come home.
I've been offered all the reality TV shows but have turned them down. If I did it as 'Johnny,' there'd be no jungle left! It was really hard regaining control of myself, so I am reluctant to let 'Johnny' back out of the box.
In credits, I'm 'Michael' sometimes now, but people know you as something, so there's no point fighting it. 'Squiggle,' you'll always be 'Prince,' and 'The Rock,' just accept it. I want to move on, but not that much. So I'm still known as 'Johnny Vegas.'
There's lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he's not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out.
This autocue was obviously written for someone else and I've been brought in at the last minute.
You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.
You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow 'cause they can be so foolish like that at times, they are easily led.
With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.
When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.
We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.
We all have days where we can't pronounce things or give it the emotion it deserves.
Up North you are holding your own. Everyone considers themselves a comedian.
They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.
There's this idea that it has to be made in London. But we've got everything up here, and if you've got comics who are gifted because of where they're from, you shouldn't drag them away from that natural resource.
My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with.
My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.
If an original piece of wardrobe came up from Star Wars, I'd probably spend a lot of money on it.
I've got little ankles and a bit of a belly, so it makes me look rather an egg on legs.
I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.
I use very few muscles at the best of times.
I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again.
I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.
Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.
I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia.
I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show.
Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric!
For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason.
I've spent lots of time in London, I studied in London, I like London. It's just not my home.
You know, there's that temptation in interviews to make yourself sound - well, to give yourself a bit of mystery.
My agent once said, 'You're not very driven.' And it's true. I'm not the type to ring up and go, 'Get me this part!'
Health-wise, I couldn't have said what my life expectancy would've been if I'd just carried on doing solid blocks of stand-up.
I think it sort of dawns on you that if you're not gigging constantly you're not actually relevant. You may be relevant to a different part of the media now, to television commissioners and editors, but to a young live-comedy audience you're not, really.
I had a massive amount of self-belief when I did stand-up.
I've always been looking for other people's approval.
You don't want to be flattered and become big-headed by getting awards. But, well, I am.
I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion.
You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is.
I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don't seem to be particularly keen on them.
I get obsessed with decorations and decorating the house. I keep it tasteful outside, but when you get inside it is a bit like Blackpool illuminations, I go bonkers!
There is something more spiritual to us than what we are on this earth, but how you access it I'm not sure.