I made a circular motion with my finger around my temple to indicate I thought this guy was crazy, forgetting that there was no one in the room to see this circular motion except him. He saw it and frowned.

- John Swartzwelder

Collection: CrazyCopy Quote

I try to maintain a positive attitude at all times, because clients notice little things like that, and if you're frowning and crying all the time and saying "why? why?", they get worried.

- John Swartzwelder

Collection: AttitudeCopy Quote

They can kill the Kennedys. Why can't they make a cup of coffee that tastes good?

- John Swartzwelder

Collection: CoffeeCopy Quote

If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it.

- John Swartzwelder

Collection: WayCopy Quote

As my exciting story began I was being punched in the stomach.

- John Swartzwelder

Collection: StoriesCopy Quote

I'm 190 pounds of rock hard muscle, underneath 40 pounds of sturdy protective fat.

- John Swartzwelder

Collection: RocksCopy Quote

I’ll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days.

- John Swartzwelder

Collection: CoupleCopy Quote