Jerome K. Jerome
I can see the humorous side of things and enjoy the fun when it comes; but look where I will, there seems to me always more sadness than joy in life.Collection: Sad
The weather is like the government, always in the wrong.Collection: Government
It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.Collection: Truth
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.Collection: Work
Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.Collection: Moving
It is in our faults and failings, not in our virtues, that we touch each other, and find sympathy. It is in our follies that we are one.Collection: Sympathy
What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.Collection: Funny
Nothing is more beautiful than the love that has weathered the storms of life. The love of the young for the young, that is the beginning of life. But the love of the old for the old, that is the beginning of things longer.
There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do.
Time is but the shadow of the world upon the background of Eternity.
People who have tried it, tell me that a clear conscience makes you very happy and contented; but a full stomach does the business quite as well, and is cheaper, and more easily obtained.
It is so pleasant to come across people more stupid than ourselves. We love them at once for being so.
One we discover how to appreciate the timeless values in our daily experiences, we can enjoy the best things in life.
It is a most extraordinary thing, but I never read a patent medicine advertisement without being impelled to the conclusion that I am suffering from the particular disease therein dealt with in its most virulent form.
Conceit is the finest armour a man can wear.
It is easy enough to say that poverty is no crime. No; if it were men wouldn't be ashamed of it. It is a blunder, though, and is punished as such. A poor man is despised the whole world over.
We drink one another's health and spoil our own.
If you are foolish enough to be contented, don't show it, but grumble with the rest.
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.
Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.
A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
I attribute the quarrelsome nature of the Middle Ages young men entirely to the want of the soothing weed.
But there, everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses.
We are so bound together that no man can labor for himself alone. Each blow he strikes in his own behalf helps to mold the universe.
Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need - a homely home and simple pleasures, one or two friends, worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you, a cat, a dog, and a pipe or two, enough to eat and enough to wear, and a little more than enough to drink; for thirst is a dangerous thing.Collection: Love
What the eye does not see, the stomach does not get upset overCollection: Eye
Eat good dinners and drink good wine; read good novels if you have the leisure and see good plays; fall in love, if there is no reason why you should not fall in love; but do not pore over influenza statistics.Collection: Falling In Love
A good woman's arms round a man's neck is a lifebelt thrown out to him from heaven.Collection: Women
A new life begins for us with every second. Let us go forward joyously to meet it. We must press on, whether we will or not, and we shall walk better with our eyes before us than with them ever cast behind.Collection: Eye
Opportunities flit by while we sit regretting the chances we have lost, and the happiness that comes to us we heed not, because of the happiness that is gone.Collection: Happiness
He is very imprudent, a dog; he never makes it his business to inquire whether you are in the right or the wrong, never asks whether you are rich or poor, silly or wise, sinner or saint. You are his pal. That is enough for him.Collection: Friendship
I can't sit still and see another man slaving and working. I want to get up and superintend, and walk round with my hands in my pockets, and tell him what to do. It is my energetic nature. I can't help it.Collection: Men
A glass of wine often makes me a better man than hearing a sermon.Collection: Wine
Life is a thing to be lived, not spent; to be faced, not ordered. Life is not a game of chess, the victory to the most knowing; it is a game of cards, one's hand by skill to be made the best of.Collection: Hands
The facts of life are the impossibilities of fiction.Collection: Life
I want a house that has got over all its troubles; I don't want to spend the rest of my life bringing up a young and inexperienced house.Collection: Life
I respect the truth too much to drag it out on every occasion.Collection: Respect
There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one.Collection: Happiness
They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.Collection: Funny
Life works upon a compensating balance, and the happiness we gain in one direction we lose in another.Collection: One Direction
The less taste a person has in dress, the more obstinate he always seems to be.Collection: Fashion
The shy man does have some slight revenge upon society for the torture it inflicts upon him. He is able, to a certain extent, to communicate his misery. He frightens other people as much as they frighten him. He acts like a damper upon the whole room, and the most jovial spirits become, in his presence, depressed and nervous.Collection: Revenge
Some people are under the impression that all that is required to make a good fisherman is the ability to tell lies easily and without blushing; but this is a mistake.Collection: Mistake
There are the goods; if you want them, you can have them. If you do not want them, they would almost rather that you did not come and talk about them.Collection: Want
I love the chill October days, when the brown leaves lie thick and sodden underneath your feet ... the evenings in late autumn time, when the white mist creeps across the fields, making it seem as though old Earth, feeling the night air cold to its poor bones, were drawing ghostly bedclothes round its withered limbs.Collection: Lying
Man, if he would live, must worship. He looks around, and what to him, within the vision of his life, is the greatest and the best, that he falls down and does reverence to.Collection: Fall
The odour of Burgundy, and the smell of French sauces, and the sight of clean napkins and long loaves, knocked as a very welcome visitor at the door of our inner man.Collection: Wine
Cheese, like oil, makes too much of itself.Collection: Oil
Swearing relieves the feelings - that is what swearing does. I explained this to my aunt on one occasion, but it didn't answer with her. She said I had no business to have such feelings.Collection: Funny
"Not sure," he retorted; "you call yourself a journalist, and admit there is a subject under Heaven of which you are not sure!"Collection: Funny