James May
Men think that not being able to wire a plug somehow makes them more creative or intellectual. It just makes them morons.
I can't stand the need to be fashionable.
Boilersuits are used by everybody from pilots in the army to racing drivers to people who clean your drains. The one piece overall is what all males secretly desire.
'Normal bloke' is my style.
I'm not a big film buff; I like watching films, but I tend to forget them.
I can't make a house homely. My house just looks like a garage or a shed. I'm not untidy, but it just looks so uninviting.
It would be a shame if the BBC didn't exist.
When we were kids, if somebody said, 'What did you watch last night?' you would have said, 'BBC Two,' but now they'll just say, 'My mobile.'
We've always liked the word 'chump', and it's quite nearly our initials - Clarkson, Hammond, and May Productions.
I'm not soppy-romantic. I don't buy Valentine's cards or any of that cheesy crap.
I've never thought about marriage or children.
I always said it was a privilege to end up on the television. It wasn't my ambition; I fell into editing magazines and writing about cars, and then I ended up on the telly.
It's fairly well known that we all hate each other to some extent. 'Top Gear' has worked because of a combination of camaraderie and mutual dislike. That's actually the magic.
Not being part of the BBC with 'Top Gear' any more does pain me, because it's an organisation I approve of.
The shirt thing just started one day when I bought one with a really interesting pattern, and people laughed at it, so I thought, 'I'll keep buying daft shirts with flowers on.'
I know there have been some catastrophically unpopular programmes on television over the years. Has it ever got to the point where the only person still interested in what's happening is the person who's on the telly?
I very briefly had a microwave oven that I quickly gave away, because I could never work out what they do better than a regular oven.
If it were possible - and I hope it will be some day - I'd like some sort of anti-gravity travel capsule: some way to travel around the without the need for jets and wings and so on.
Richard Hammond is a reasonably fit bloke who looks after himself. Me and Jeremy aren't.
I don't want Jeremy Clarkson anywhere near my shed or my toolbox or my piano. He's interested in fashionable restaurants and celebrity gossip - I'm not interested in those.
I am actually a perfectly capable modern man who can cook, clean, wash, and find my way to places, but nobody believes it.
You have to be a bit mad and conceited to go on television.
I suppose I could do 'The Reassembler' at 80. But it would be a terrible cliche.
I don't look like Susan Boyle!
Our 'Top Gear' characters are based on our own characters, if exaggerated and cartoonified. We try not to be completely different to who we are, because you couldn't carry it off in the long run.
I think the astute viewer can recognise I am the proper bloke, because I have a toolbox and can put things back together, and I can quote W. B. Yeats and Alfred Lord Tennyson.
I don't like to think I am a celebrity; I am just a bloke on the telly.
It would be a bloody tough call to do 'Top Gear' without Jeremy. That would be a bit of a daft idea.
I hate the idea of people nicking my stuff, but in all honesty, I'm pretty well off. If a genuinely desperate man on his last gasp nicks my coat from the pub on a freezing night, well, he's welcome to it. It'll change his life. Mine's only inconvenienced by having to buy another one.
I don't have a worry about women because I keep reading that not only are they better at school, they are now better at parking, better at navigating... we know that women are good at everything.
I have never stormed off over money or contracts. I am paid quite well by 'Top Gear.' I am pretty happy, and I have never seen Richard Hammond storm off, either.
I can't see Jeremy Clarkson having very many serious problems in his working life in the long run.
I'm only a freelance TV presenter and, in many ways, it's all just been a massive fluke.
We'd become lazy with 'Top Gear,' doing six or seven shows a series.
It's actually very difficult to come up with a new name for something that hasn't already been bagged by someone else, unless you call your new show 'Shubbley-Doobley-Woobley' or something like that!
It does cost a lot of money to make high-quality TV in exotic locations. I know everyone thinks we've been given a massive sack full of money and gone off and bought Lamborghinis and gone off for lunch, but it isn't actually like that.
I'm quite happy to laugh at Argentina's obsession with ham and cheese, but not, you know, delicate bits of their history.
I hope we're not barred from Argentina - I'd quite like to go back for another ham and cheese sandwich.
The three of us may be reunited on screen, we may go our separate ways, or we may disappear from the television altogether and each assume a place, alone, in the corner of a pub where any unsuspecting passing drinker who strays into an exclusion zone studiously avoided by the locals will be subjected to a predictable 'I used to be on TV' routine.
I love a bicycle, and I haven't been without at least one since I was three years old.
Some cyclists are complete prats, obviously, but so are some drivers.
Bicycles should not be insured or registered, and cycling proficiency should not be subject to a test. That's just weak-kneed nonsense from people who believe the world can be cured with paperwork.
I'm on television far too much. I'm not sure why. I've watched myself on TV from time to time. It's painful.
I've never wanted to be on television for the sake of it, I suppose because I'm not one of life's natural presenters; I'm not an actor.
I always found it hard to motivate myself.
Look - think very hard about the car you want. Then buy that one, brand new.
Nice girls at school whose fathers owned a Volvo were unapproachable and probably condemned to spinsterhood for all time, simply because no one had the courage to advance up the drive.
Never has a material been as overrated as leather.
France is a country you have to drive through to get to Italy. That's all it's there for.Collection: Country