Hari Nef
I used to think I was a gay man with this idea of a muse in my head, like a woman that I thought was inspirational or aspirational. But the woman was actually me.Collection: Inspirational
I feel like so much of mainstream feminism springs from the second wave, which was essentially a discourse spearheaded by white, cisgender, upper middle class women. I feel - especially as I'm trying to negotiate this new female space with the feminism that's available to me - there are a lot of places where I'm disenfranchised.Collection: Space
Trans-dating is hardcore, and it's really scary. And that's coming from me, someone who couldn't be dating in a more open-minded Manhattan pool of artsy boys and creative folk. Not saying it all sucks. I'm just saying it's not easy.Collection: Dating
If you're going to make a film about rage in 2018, 2017... If you're going to make a film about revenge and anger, I feel like that has to be a film about women. I don't really want to watch a film about angry men. I've seen way too many of those.Collection: Anger
Sexuality is who you want to be with. Gender identity is who you want to be in the world.
I prefer men who are queer. Not gay men, but queer men - guys with an open mind. Bisexual men, because they're able to understand the different elements of the body without judging that I don't conform to a certain ideal.
Dysphoria will always be a painful place.
My first boyfriend was a fashion designer. He was a junior in high school, I was a freshman.
I'm fun, ruthless, articulate, impatient, maybe a little cavalier. I'm a woman and a feminist. I'm transgender. I'm an actress, a reluctant writer, occasionally a potato-shaped model.
Fashion has always captivated me because, like I said, it has the potential to create narratives about what's beautiful, aspirational, chic, masculine, feminine, glamorous, etc. Generally, this power is dispatched in useless ways.
Being a woman is an option, being trans is an option, and they're options that appeal to me. We need to listen to people - not labels, not semantics.
There's something very noble about the bowling shoe. It has very little pretense, and it's kind of naughty. You have to share them with a bunch of other people, which is so kinky in a way that I like. What other shoes would you actively share with other people?
If anyone says that American socialism isn't possible, point them toward the bowling shoe.
A pink sneaker is like walking down the street at five miles per hour with a Starbucks in your hand. Nobody is getting in your way.
I travel a lot, so I don't have a morning routine because where I wake up tends to be inconsistent. But I'm always really, really hungry when I wake up, so breakfast is important.
People make fun of me because I've been known to eat lunch things for breakfast. I'll eat a good salad. I'll maybe have some tempeh or kale in there. I try to make breakfast a lavish meal because, one, my body tells me to, and, two, that's what carries me through the day.
I keep a very cold apartment - I tend to crank my AC just about as low as it can go. I sleep with a big, warm comforter, even during the summer, and just burrow underneath it.
Fragrance is important to me because of its emotional dimension. I feel like fragrances are able to transport, stir emotion, and bring up memories. You can wear makeup, you can dress yourself up, but fragrance gives a powerful aspect to how you can present yourself that you can't necessarily get any other way.
If you don't know somebody, whether you're inquiring into their sex or their gender, it's invasive.
Whatever surgery someone wants to get is none of your business.
My experience with 'Transparent' has completely spoiled me because it was the safest, most transpositive set ever. I didn't have to worry about all the usual things - like when people have a vision of your transness that you're not comfortable with. When they don't know the correct gender pronouns by which to refer to you.
I was romantically socialized as a gay man, and now that I am, for most intents and purposes, a heterosexual woman, I have to learn how to talk to straight men, which is the scariest thing I've ever done.
Being a woman means that my male privilege seeped out of my body.
I think that often my work is obscured by my gender identity.
My identity will always inform my experience and shape my perception. But I am an unremarkable person.
For me, Instagram had become a place where I could image myself the way I found myself.
Visibility is not, in itself, always a good thing, but when it is in the hands of those who need positive visibility, it can be.
If my body can fall into the background for just a second, maybe people will start listening to what I have to say.
In an ideal world, I wouldn't have to change my body. I wouldn't have to do all this stuff. I wouldn't have to be pretty or 'feminine,' and people would respect that.
I feel like my transition, in a broader sense, began the second I left home and came to New York. Because all of a sudden, I opened myself up to options about how to be.
I feel like the most fascinating parts of a trans life take place after the decision to transition. They take place when you're in this new body, in this new life, and you start realizing things.
To see a trans body in this ideal space - on a cover, in an ad - these are spaces that have immense cultural power to dictate what is beautiful, what is glamorous, what is aspirational, what is sexy, what is clean. That can be very powerful and helpful in the de-stigmatization of trans bodies.
I'm teaching myself how to screenplay write.
I would like to produce, and eventually, I would like to direct.
I'm really into the way sound works in film, and I did a little bit of sound design for theater in college.
I don't feel comfortable with the idea that my only gateway into doing what I love to do is auditioning for other people to give me the green light and say that I'm allowed to do it, or that I'm allowed to play this role, or that I'm allowed to be in this movie. I would feel much more comfortable making those opportunities for myself.
Trans folks are going to rise up for their moments and their money!
When I saw that Laverne Cox was on the cover of 'Time' magazine, I totally lost it. It was a coup for the girls!
I'm grateful to be in school developing my practice as an actor. In that process, it's difficult to say that you've definitively 'learned' something.
I could have hidden in Boston and lived at home for three years, gone through my transition, taken voice lessons to make my voice more feminine, gotten gender reassignment surgery, and spent time to complete my transition, but I didn't want to wait. I wanted to be in the world.
There are no trans roles, and if there are, they go to Jared Leto or Eddie Redmayne or Elle Fanning... Will there ever come a point where I could play a woman in a realistic, naturalistic drama and have there not be the word 'trans' in the script?
It's time for the aesthetics of upwardly mobile feminist respectability to make room for the aesthetics of survival, particularly trans survival.
Brands like RMS Beauty and Kat Burki are my skincare heroes.
I get a facial maybe a couple of times a year.
I like to let my skin breathe, I don't like to stress it out. I don't like to put it through very much.
I think the skin is the most important part of a strong makeup look, and if you take care of that, the rest will follow.
I liked playing video games because I felt like I was inside of the story in a way that I didn't feel when I was just watching something. Any chance I could get to step into the shoes of another person, I would take. I couldn't get enough of stories.
I think it's an oversimplification of somebody's worth to 'cancel' them. We're so quick to cancel but also so quick to lift somebody up as 'the queen,' 'the mom,' 'the dad,' 'the god.'
There have been moments where I've had to question the way I've used social media and change it. Not because anything was wrong or right but because my needs had changed, and my perspective had changed.
I think people get stuck in a cycle with social media sometimes and don't know how to make adjustments that are personal.