Emily V. Gordon
Sometimes we put so much effort into things we're doing, like dating or wedding planning, that we don't stop to think about whether or not we even want the results of that effort.Collection: Wedding
Being completely independent doesn't make you a strong woman - it's being strong enough to trust yourself in other people's hands that takes guts.Collection: Trust
If you've had a marriage that ended because of a betrayal in trust on your spouse's behalf, the idea of trusting another person with your heart can seem completely ridiculous.Collection: Trust
Your wedding day is supposed to be your big day, and yet a lot of engaged couples find that instead of creating an event that will be important to them, they're dodging through a minefield of modern etiquette traps.Collection: Wedding
No matter how you handle alcohol at your wedding, you will most likely be upsetting someone.Collection: Wedding
Dealing with wedding stuff is a bit of a double-edged sword - it seems that divorcees are expected to either burn it all on the front lawn, tears silently coursing down their faces, or keep the stuff, shrine-like, concealed somewhere in their homes.Collection: Wedding
Everybody's got baggage, and not just the classic, 'Oh I have so much baggage,' but everyone comes with so much context, and you're not just dating a person: you're dating all their context, too. Part of relationships is negotiating each other's context.Collection: Dating
People get married for a wide array of reasons and have all sorts of expectations of how marriage will change the relationship. And while it's true that turning the person you're dating into a legal partner does affect certain things, those who expect marriage to be a cure-all for all your relationship woes are sorely mistaken.Collection: Dating
Do remember to pick your battles when you start parenting your stepchildren.Collection: Parenting
Without knowing your own history, you are doomed to repeat it.
Often, when cheating happens, we rush to place blame solely on one person - either the person who did the cheating, or more insidiously, if it happened to us, we blame ourselves for not being 'good enough' to keep them around. But putting it all on one person doesn't paint the entire picture.
Post-divorce, the world can feel harsh and full of jagged edges.
The period that directly follows the dissolution of a long term relationship is extremely volatile, with emotions running the gamut from misery to elation to relief to terror.
In Hollywood, it seems that the people least successful at being married are the ones most eager to tie the knot over and over again.
In my experience as a therapist and as a friend, it seems that the majority of the breakup resources available are for women and not men. Women, who tend to be more vocal about their emotional struggles, are the squeaky wheel that gets the grease from friends, from online communities, from books, and from therapeutic approaches.
Women are encouraged to go on an emotional journey of self-care after a divorce, while men are expected to need help learning how to cook and parent on their own.
Men - not all men but a good majority of the ones I have known and worked with - tend to think of difficult situations in their lives as problems that need to be solved.
When I was young and less wise, I thought that being a feminist meant being independent. It meant not sacrificing your needs for anyone else's and not relying on anyone else for even a smidgen of your happiness or well being.
After my divorce, I took some time off from having a romantic life to begin the tough work of figuring out where I'd gone wrong and what on Earth I could do to understand how to be a whole person in a relationship.
Marriage, or any committed partnership, has become sacred to me, powerful and fragile all at the same time.
I am somewhat grateful to the disintegration of my marriage for teaching me a lot about myself and about relationships, and though I wish it hadn't been such a taxing lesson, I wouldn't change a thing.
Marriage isn't just about two people who fit together well. It's about two people who figure out how to fit together well.
Never marry because it seems like what you should do.
A lot of new stepparents fall into the trap of letting children disobey household expectations in order to gain favor with them.
Don't sacrifice alone time with your spouse just because the kids seem needy. A united front requires adult time alone, so put it in the calendar and make it a priority. A house cannot stand on a shaky foundation.
Don't expect yourself to immediately love your stepchildren. In fact, you may hate them for a bit.
I haven't always been the best advocate for my own body. I was a too-tall, pudgy child who felt completely out of control of the genetic lottery ticket she'd been given, so in retaliation, I shut down. I ignored my body and hated it for not being tiny and cute like my friends' bodies.
I don't remember being put into the coma, but I do have a lot of weird memories from being under. This may be because I was in a coma via medicine rather than trauma. That time period played out for me as one long rambling dream where I was at a hospital to visit my boyfriend, who I thought was in an accident.
There is no level of professional rejection that can compare to almost dying.
I have multiple tattoos.
I think it's lovely when people are more involved in local politics.
That's part of what a relationship is: you don't experience things in the same way.
I think it's always good to get into your partner's mindset.
Love is a good thing.
I always tell people, 'Take a class or volunteer.' It really helps you get out of your own little pocket of people you always see and gets you exposed to a new group of people.
I remember being a teenager and feeling like I could talk to anyone anywhere about anything.
I definitely think, when you're a teenager, it's more forgiving to talk to strangers and go up to people at a mall or whatever.
I'm not an actress. I'm a writer.
I grew up in a town where there were no Muslims whatsoever, and there was not a lot of exposure.
I'm a mental-health advocate big time, so I think it's great when depression is a thing that's discussed out in the open, because it's still way too stigmatized.
There's nothing like listening to the drone of QVC's always-bubbly pitchwomen, as they try to move loose-fitting tunics with 'just the right amount of sparkle,' to soothe you into a healing slumber.
You didn't have to know anything about show business to appreciate the characters' humor, because at its heart, 'Party Down' was about following dreams, dealing with rejection, and surviving all the lame jobs we've all had to work just to get by in the meantime.
I'm tired of hearing about 'Damages,' I don't care how life-changing 'The Wire' is, and I don't want to hear another word about 'Battlestar Galactica' or its super-awesome ending.
If a show is a critical success but a ratings flop, I assume that people are just championing the show because it looks cool to root for an underdog.
If a show is wickedly, hugely popular, like 'Mad Men,' I assume that the masses, in their infinite inferiority to me, don't know what good TV is and that everyone is just brainwashed.
When someone insists that you watch a show that's already been on for a few seasons, they're basically saying, 'Hey, you're not doing anything for the next five weeks, are you? Because have I got a plan for you every single night! It's 'Weeds!''
Sometimes, I hate-watch television.
Betrayal can be extremely painful, but it's up to you how much that pain damages you permanently.
Cheating is very rarely about the actual act of being with another person.
Your life story is a gift, and it should be treated as such.