Colin Quinn
For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor.Collection: Humor
I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write.Collection: Poetry
Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.Collection: Humor
You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything.Collection: Funny
You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.Collection: Funny
I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway.
The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.
He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.
It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything.
So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.
You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and creates a show around it.
You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.
The thing that drives me crazy is when comics say 'I have low self-esteem.' No you don't. You're standing on stage asking people to pay. You don't play an instrument. You want people to pay to hear what's in your mind. You don't have low self-esteem. You might have other problems.
Everybody's funny in different ways.
I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows.
I'm quietly becoming New York's premiere actor. People don't understand. They have me pigeon-holed as a comedian.
I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.
My name has zero value.
When I look back now I realize I was such an obnoxious kid but, you know, I went to schools like you, like a public school in New York so compared to the anarchy that was going on there, they really wouldn't - I wasn't like a bad kid. I saw people come in and punch the teachers.
I was a class clown.
The only people who like to live alone more than comics are priests.
People's - most people's job is talking about the future or like money not even in the present tense. It's not even paper.
Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.
I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.
Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.
I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.
I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.
I feel most empires fell when they started to act human, but then look at Russia. They kept a pretty strong hand, and they fell from Afghanistan alone because Afghanistan is the graveyard of empires. I guess you just can't sustain it.
I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.
I've been to Japan, I've been to China, I've been to Africa, I've been to the Middle East, I've been to Europe a little bit. I've never been to South America.
Everybody says before reviews come out, 'Oh, reviews don't matter,' just in case they're bad; everyone want to brace themselves.
Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.
I always wanted to write as much as perform.
The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things.
I like guy stuff.
If I had to give up everything else and keep just one aspect of the job, I'd have to keep writing because I love it. Yes, I enjoy performing, too. But I couldn't give up writing material.
I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.
My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in.
Stand-up is live, so I'm used to being live for most of my career. It's interesting.
With comedians, you have that understanding that we're trying to get laughs.
A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My standup isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen.
I love people, I love studying people more than history. So whatever situation I see, then I look at, what were the people like, more than history itself.
Humanity is a crazy contradiction. I accept us for who we are. We're not that great. Every time we take a step forward we go back to the same primitive behavior. We're meant to be this way. It's not our fault, it's just who we are.
I think I identify more with the smart guy, but most people might take umbrage at that. I like to think of myself as a real thinker, but I suppose people might beg to differ.
I would say most comedians have a very cynical worldview of the way the world can work. It's almost like if you didn't, you couldn't be a comedian.
That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky.
I'm not a big method actor. I'm much more superficial.
You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.Collection: Funny
It’s sad. Marxism didn’t work. Communism didn’t work. Capitalism doesn’t work. Nothing works. Even democracy doesn’t work. Democracy-the greatest form of government and we have two choices for who’s our leader. In fascism you only have one choice. That’s great. We have one more choice than the worst form of government.Collection: Sad
I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.Collection: Long