Chris Rock
I was bused to a school in Gerritsen Beach in Brooklyn in 1972. I was one of the first black kids in the history of the school.Collection: History
Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?Collection: Famous
A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.Collection: Marriage
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.Collection: Women
There's some downsides to being famous, which are not even worth mentioning. But to combat the bad sides of being famous, you really should take advantage of the good sides. The good sides are, you can use that fame to get projects you might not normally get.Collection: Famous
When I started out in comedy, it was common knowledge that it took about 10 years to get good. And that was okay because it took you about 9 years to get on television.Collection: Knowledge
Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.Collection: Movies
Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.Collection: Famous
It's like, hmm, there's people with $2000 weaves that could have bought health care with that weave money. They don't have insurance. People want what they want. And I guess that is a reason we have this big credit card problem and a lot of these foreclosures.Collection: Health
Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself.Collection: Funny
Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.Collection: Sports
Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics.Collection: Funny
You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.Collection: Government
I love being famous. It's almost like being white.Collection: Famous
I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.
I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.
I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.
Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.
Here's what I knew about doing a play: I knew it would make me a better actor.
A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.
By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.
Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.
Hollywood's just not funny.
Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.
Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes.
Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.
I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.
No film critic's going to say it, but 'Madagascar 3' is better than 'The Artist.'
I live way below my means.
Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.
Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.
Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.
My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.
Does having a wife and kids change your act? Yes, but only in the best way. It gives you weight and authority. It also makes you closer to the audience because the audience is married and has kids.
I have no idea what my best material is. Different people like different things. I'll say this: The political stuff gets the press, but the relationship jokes sell all the seats.
Every now and then I'm in a situation where someone doesn't recognize me, and I experience racism. Things like not being buzzed into a store or sitting in first class on a plane and having someone ask to see my ticket four times.
I'm a big fan of Katt Williams, Jim Gaffigan, Louie CK, Margaret Cho, Kathy Griffin, Rich Vas, Joey Vega and Matt Claybrooks.
A man is only as faithful as his options.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
I have my own demons and dark moods. It's weird.
America is the greatest country in the whole world.
You can only offend me if you mean something to me.
Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I kind of keep my personality in my pocket a lot. When I start to do stand-up, that's not my true personality either. It's the personality of a guy who hasn't been able to say what he wanted to say.
After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.